Customer Waits Until Barista Watching To Disarm Gunman

Local
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching...
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Customer Waits Until Barista Watching To Disarm Gunman

Local
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching...
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Giving Up Too Much Work

Local
The post Giving Up Too Much Work appeared first on The Onion.
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Nicer Shampoo Tragically Worth The Extra Money

Local
CHICAGO—Reacting with dismay to the immediate positive results yielded by the hair care product, local woman Taylor Suthers confirmed Thursday that the nicer shampoo...
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Capitol Tour Guide Keeps Pointing Out Hidden Spots With Uninterrupted Sight Lines

Local
The post Capitol Tour Guide Keeps Pointing Out Hidden Spots With Uninterrupted Sight Lines appeared first on The Onion.
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Foreign Exchange Student Doesn’t Realize He’s Being Bullied

Local
HOT SPRINGS, AR—Stating that his fellow pupils held him in the highest regard as the most popular boy in the class, foreign exchange student...
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Polite Cult Member Assumes Reason Penises Cut Off Will Eventually Come Up In Conversation

Local
BOULDER, CO—Assuring himself that the rationale for the ritualized surgery would be revealed in due course, cult member Jason Fitzpatrick told reporters Friday that...
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Overambitious Man Wants To Get 2 Things Done Today

Local
AKRON, OH—Saying the expectations he had set for himself were completely unrealistic, friends of local man James Chao expressed skepticism this morning after the...
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Good Spatula Dirty

Local
The post Good Spatula Dirty appeared first on The Onion.
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Phone, Porn Addictions Converging Nicely

Local
The post Phone, Porn Addictions Converging Nicely appeared first on The Onion.
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Despite own ties, Stitt criticizes dark money groups, calls for release of mansion donor...

Following a series of News 4 investigations into dark money groups trying to influence Oklahoma elections, Gov. Kevin Stitt is calling for more transparency—and...

Former CIA officer allegedly defrauded US by lying about his credentials: Complaint

The former government officer, David Rush, has been charged with theft of public money, according to a complaint filed in the Eastern District of Virginia. 

Newsom seeks to shield California elections from federal interference

Gov. Gavin Newsom has signed legislation that aims to shield California elections from federal interference ahead of the state's primary next week