CHICAGO—Reacting with dismay to the immediate positive results yielded by the hair care product, local woman Taylor Suthers confirmed Thursday that the nicer shampoo she had bought was tragically worth the extra money. “Aw, goddammit, my hair really does look softer and smoother,” said Suthers, who appeared visibly distraught as she ran a hand through her hair to confirm that the $49.99 bottle of meadowfoam-infused shampoo had, indeed, left her hair neither dried-out nor greasy. “I just grabbed it off the shelf because they didn’t have Pantene, and I figured most shampoos cost the same. It definitely seems like I’m retaining natural oils now or whatever. And it smells like sandalwood, which I really do prefer to whatever the cheaper stuff smells like. Ugh, this sucks.” At press time, Suthers had reportedly groaned upon realizing that the nicer conditioner from the same brand would probably be worth the extra money, too
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