Pete Hegseth Shaking With Rage After Imagining Plus-Sized Astronaut
WASHINGTON—Growing increasingly angry and pacing his office, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly shaking with rage Tuesday after imagining a plus-sized astronaut. “Ugh,...
RFK Jr. Rushed To Gym After Heart Attack
WASHINGTON—In a dire health emergency that forced staffers to quickly mobilize to save the Cabinet member’s life, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was...
Questions Grow Over Mystery Of Missing Legislative Branch
The post Questions Grow Over Mystery Of Missing Legislative Branch appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Requests $1.2 Trillion To Have
WASHINGTON—Declaring the financial allocation a matter of utmost urgency, President Donald Trump on Monday requested $1.2 trillion to have. “I’m calling upon Congress today...
JD Vance Disavows Trump’s Handling Of Iran War As Brilliant Strategy By An Impeccable...
The post JD Vance Disavows Trump’s Handling Of Iran War As Brilliant Strategy By An Impeccable Genius appeared first on The Onion.
Rep. Cyndi Munson becomes Oklahoma’s first 2026 Democratic candidate for governor
With four Republican candidates already announced for Oklahoma’s 2026 gubernatorial election, House Minority Leader Cyndi Munson became the field’s first Democrat today, declaring her...
Travis Jett appointed to Oklahoma Supreme Court
In a five-minute announcement today that included no opportunity for questions from the press, Gov. Kevin Stitt announced the appointment of Panhandle native Travis...
After Walters endorses union alternative, Pogemiller requests AG opinion, files ethics complaint
Despite State Superintendent of Public Instruction Ryan Walters’ recent settlement agreement for an ethics violation case involving how he uses social media, his subsequent...
Judicial cheat sheet: OK Supreme Court candidates’ careers, land holdings, political baggage
After Gov. Kevin Stitt selects one of them for appointment to the Oklahoma Supreme Court, either Donna Dirickson, Travis Jett or Jon Parsley will...
Mike Mazzei kicks off gubernatorial campaign with U.S. Rep. Brecheen’s endorsement
With umbrellas in tow, a few hundred supporters braved a light rain to gather inside Jenks’ Five Oak Lodge to hear former Oklahoma State...
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Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids
The inaugural Enhanced Games, consisting of weightlifting, swimming, and sprinting, were held, which allowed competitors to take performance-enhancing drugs in hopes of pushing the...
Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity
BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara Vasques expressed concern Wednesday that...
Elon Musk Hits Up Text Thread To See If Any Of His 13 Kids...
STARBASE, TX—Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up a text thread Wednesday to...
