Boy Gets Nice Long Look At Small Of Father’s Back While He Picks Up...
APPLETON, WI—Wide-eyed and unusually still as he took in the unfamiliar sight before him, local 9-year-old Connor Walsh reportedly got a nice long look...
Dead Fantasy Football Commissioner’s Password Guessed Again
The post Dead Fantasy Football Commissioner’s Password Guessed Again appeared first on The Onion.
Little League World Series Game Turned Off Due To Neither Team Having Big Fat...
BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched...
Report: Tennis-Racket-Shaped Bag Gotta Be Full Of Tennis Rackets
ESTES PARK, CO—Noting the bag’s elongated oval shape, prominent Wilson logo, and the fact that its owner was walking directly toward a tennis court,...
‘Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?’ Jalen Brunson Shouts At Librarian Refusing...
NEW YORK—Slamming both hands on the circulation desk after learning he was 17th in line for Larry McMurtry’s Pulitzer Prize–winning Western novel, Knicks star...
Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence
The post Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence appeared first on The Onion.
No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield
The post No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield appeared first on The Onion.
Manager Calls Bullpen Just To Say Hi
The post Manager Calls Bullpen Just To Say Hi appeared first on The Onion.
Doughy Eastern European Man Tired Of Everyone Assuming He’s NBA Superstar
MCCOOK, IL—Complaining that he couldn’t even walk down the street without being mistaken for a world-class basketball player, doughy Eastern European immigrant Vukašin Petrović...
Marlins Jumbotron Displays Message Saying Free Trial Of ABS System Has Ended
The post Marlins Jumbotron Displays Message Saying Free Trial Of ABS System Has Ended appeared first on The Onion.
Latest article
Arizona Gov. Katie Hobbs won’t face criminal charges over alleged pay-to-play scheme
Arizona prosecutors will not criminally charge Gov. Katie Hobbs over allegations that her administration engaged in a pay-to-play scheme involving a group home company,...
Trump’s endorsement isn’t as valuable as it used be
If there is one defining truism of American politics over the past decade, it is that when President Donald Trump says “jump,” Republicans say...
The DOJ plans to send out 1,000 election monitors in November. Is that normal?
Earlier this week, the assistant attorney general for civil rights, Harmeet Dhillon, told Bloomberg that she would deploy 1,000 monitors to watch the November...
