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The Onion Staff

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Sleep

Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer

Andrew Tate

Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual

News

‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour...

American Voices

Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden

Children

Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad...

Donald Trump

Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland

Government

Political Profile: Todd Blanche

Animals

Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant

Food

Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat...

Latest article

These men went to college in search of stable careers. They found it in...

Only about 1 in 8 nurses are men, but their share is growing. A strong job market for nurses and sustained efforts to recruit...

‘I’m worried about the work of this agency’: Another Democrat commissioner expects to be...

In the hours following the landmark Supreme Court decision that gave the president the power to fire independent agency heads, the woman who brought...

Russell Vought should be impeached

President Donald Trump knows that if Democrats manage to win back control of the House in November, his third impeachment likely will not be...