Anti-Aging Millionaire Announces He Has Split Back Into Sperm And Egg

Health + Wellness
LOS ANGELES—Touting the success of his intensive anti-aging regimen Project Blueprint, tech multimillionaire Bryan Johnson announced Monday that he had split back into a...
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RFK Jr. Rushed To Gym After Heart Attack

Health + Wellness
WASHINGTON—In a dire health emergency that forced staffers to quickly mobilize to save the Cabinet member’s life, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was...
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Sweaty Ass Print On Rowing Machine Already Fading Like All Of Our Earthly Works

Health + Wellness
FORT WAYNE, IN—In a potent reminder of the inescapably transitory nature of all that is or ever will be, reports confirmed Tuesday that the...
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Passengers From Hantavirus-Stricken Cruise Ship Return Home

Health + Wellness
Passengers aboard the cruise ship at the epicenter of a deadly hantavirus outbreak have returned to their home countries, where they will be quarantined...
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What To Know About Hantavirus

Health + Wellness
Three people have died and others have fallen ill after contracting hantavirus aboard a Dutch-owned luxury cruise ship. The Onion shares everything you need...
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Middle Schoolers Prevent Bus Crash After Driver Blacks Out

Health + Wellness
Students from a Mississippi school banded together to prevent their bus from crashing after their driver blacked out from an asthma attack. What do...
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Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face

Health + Wellness
WASHINGTON—In a troubling discovery that has public health researchers on high alert for a wider outbreak, a team of Georgetown University epidemiologists announced Tuesday...
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Tips For Reducing Your Exposure to Microplastics

Health + Wellness
According to one estimate, the average human consumes five grams of microplastics every week. The Onion shares tips for reducing your exposure to the...
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RFK Jr. Sucks Measles Vaccine Out Of Infant

Health + Wellness
The post RFK Jr. Sucks Measles Vaccine Out Of Infant appeared first on The Onion.
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Casey Means Sucked Back Into Magical Neti Pot

Health + Wellness
The post Casey Means Sucked Back Into Magical Neti Pot appeared first on The Onion.
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Despite own ties, Stitt criticizes dark money groups, calls for release of mansion donor...

Following a series of News 4 investigations into dark money groups trying to influence Oklahoma elections, Gov. Kevin Stitt is calling for more transparency—and...

Former CIA officer allegedly defrauded US by lying about his credentials: Complaint

The former government officer, David Rush, has been charged with theft of public money, according to a complaint filed in the Eastern District of Virginia. 

Newsom seeks to shield California elections from federal interference

Gov. Gavin Newsom has signed legislation that aims to shield California elections from federal interference ahead of the state's primary next week