LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching to disarm a gunman at Highland Ground coffee shop, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, she’s still got her head down to empty out the cash register for this guy, and if I grab the gun when she’s not looking, she’ll have no idea I’m the one who did it,” Helms reportedly thought to himself as he coughed loudly to get the barista’s attention, breaking off his attempt to disarm the man mid-lunge when the barista turned around to open the café’s safe. “I know she’s busy obeying this guy’s orders, but suppose she doesn’t see me do it and thinks I’m one of those stuck-up customers who never intervenes to foil armed robberies. If I’m gonna go out of my way to smash the tip jar over this guy’s skull and heroically wrench the pistol from his hand, I think it’s fair that I get a little credit for it. Oh great, now she’s focused on the gunshot wound to her ankle. C’mon, just stop crying and look over here already!” At press time, witnesses reported that Helms had sighed and returned the gunman’s weapon after realizing the barista had looked away at the last second.
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