Financial Experts Recommend Putting Tax Return Toward Dream Sandwich

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NEW YORK—Urging Americans to think long-term when considering any financial decisions, experts from Wells Fargo recommended Monday that taxpayers earmark a portion of their...
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Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl

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The post Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl appeared first on The Onion.
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Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids

The inaugural Enhanced Games, consisting of weightlifting, swimming, and sprinting, were held, which allowed competitors to take performance-enhancing drugs in hopes of pushing the...

Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity 

BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara Vasques expressed concern Wednesday that...

Elon Musk Hits Up Text Thread To See If Any Of His 13 Kids...

STARBASE, TX—Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up a text thread Wednesday to...