Good Spatula Dirty

Food
The post Good Spatula Dirty appeared first on The Onion.
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Trump Conducts Marathon Reading Of Arby’s Menu In Appeal To Meat Lovers

Food
WASHINGTON—Bowing his head as he solemnly recited the fast food offerings, President Donald Trump conducted a marathon reading of the Arby’s menu Thursday in...
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Soybean Wishes It Could Just Be A Soybean And Have That Be Enough

Food
CARMI, IL—Expressing anxiety over the immense pressure it faced to become various food products, a local legume confided to reporters Tuesday that it wished...
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MLB Rookie Still Can’t Believe The Sunflower Seeds Are Free

Food
NEW YORK—Saying that it was truly sinking in that he had finally made it to the big leagues, New York Mets rookie Carson Benge...
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Arby’s Reclassifies Their Food As Entertainment

Food
ATLANTA—In a move widely interpreted as an effort to exempt its offerings from health and safety standards, American chain restaurant Arby’s issued a statement...
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Swollen RFK Jr. Warns Americans Not Eating Enough Bees

Food
WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly swollen Robert F. Kennedy Jr....
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Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heist

Food
Food conglomerate Nestlé said that about 12 tons of KitKats, or 413,793 candy bars, were stolen after leaving its production site in Italy, with...
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SNAP Now Requiring Recipients To Spend 80 Hours A Month In Hypoglycemic Coma 

Food
WASHINGTON—In an effort to clamp down on what it claimed was fraudulent use of federal food benefits, the U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Thursday...
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PETA Urges White House To Use Potatoes For Easter Egg Roll

Food
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is urging the White House to ditch traditional Easter eggs in favor of decorated potatoes at its...
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Trump’s influence tested in Indiana Republican state Senate primaries

Indiana Republican state lawmakers who broke with President Donald Trump over his call to redraw the state’s congressional district lines are facing primary challengers who are backed by Trump and national conservative groups

Wyoming lawmakers use pro-natalist arguments to justify proposed new partial abortion ban

Wyoming lawmakers say tight new restrictions on abortion are needed to grow the state's population. Demographers and others say economic conditions are more to...

No smoke alarms, homeowner lucky to be alive after morning house fire

It was a horrific start to the week for a homeowner near NW 63rd Street and Villa Avenue.