Good Spatula Dirty

Food
The post Good Spatula Dirty appeared first on The Onion.
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Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner

Food
The post Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner appeared first on The Onion.
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Study Finds Gen Z Adults Moving Home For Better Access To Triscuits

Food
MEDFORD, MA—Charting a steep downturn in the number of young adults living independently, a study published Wednesday by Tufts University researchers found that Gen...
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Trump Shares Recipe For Famous ‘Better Than Pedophilia’ Cake

Food
WASHINGTON—Claiming that his signature dessert had garnered rave reviews from victims and co-conspirators alike, President Donald Trump took to Truth Social on Tuesday to...
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Soybean Wishes It Could Just Be A Soybean And Have That Be Enough

Food
CARMI, IL—Expressing anxiety over the immense pressure it faced to become various food products, a local legume confided to reporters Tuesday that it wished...
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Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming 

Food
WASHINGTON—Stressing that they couldn’t get enough of the bland icy husks that crumble apart in their mouths, the American people reportedly begged frozen fruit...
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Trump Conducts Marathon Reading Of Arby’s Menu In Appeal To Meat Lovers

Food
WASHINGTON—Bowing his head as he solemnly recited the fast food offerings, President Donald Trump conducted a marathon reading of the Arby’s menu Thursday in...
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Customer Waits Until Barista Watching To Disarm Gunman

Food
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching...
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Customer Waits Until Barista Watching To Disarm Gunman

Food
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching...
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McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch

Food
HUNT VALLEY, MD—Hailing the product as a life-changing alternative for those in need of controlled withdrawal solutions, officials at packaged food giant McCormick &...
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Forest ranger details dramatic cave rescue of man stuck in crevice

A man hiking in Canaan, New York, was rescued after being stuck in a crevice in a cave for hours.

DOJ filing invokes weekend White House shooting in ballroom case

An overnight Department of Justice filing cast Saturday's shooting on Pennsylvania Avenue as another attempted assassination of President Donald Trump.

Pope Leo XIV apologizes for Vatican’s role in legitimizing slavery

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Pope Leo XIV made a historic apology on Monday for the role the Holy See played in legitimizing slavery and for having...