Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner

The post Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner appeared first on The Onion.

Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo

The post Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo appeared first on The Onion.

Dad Rocks Back And Forth To Gain Enough Momentum To Sit Up From Chair

HENDERSON, NV—In an effort to rise to his feet from the seated position, local dad Robert Palacios was reportedly rocking back and forth Monday...

Respect For Friend Drops After Reading Book They Recommended

EDMOND, OK—Saying she was now forced to totally reassess a person she had once held in the highest esteem, local woman Sara Vogler confirmed Monday...

Commencement Speaker Addresses Impenetrable Cloud Of Vape Smoke

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What’s Our Health Insurance Denying?

The post What’s Our Health Insurance Denying? appeared first on The Onion.

Everyone In Conversation Under Different Impression As To Which Horrific News Being Discussed

HENDERSON, NV—Solemnly nodding in agreement as they took turns speaking, each person engaged in an intense dinner conversation at a local restaurant Tuesday was...

Man Horrified To Find Self Seeking Community Online

FORT WAYNE, IN—Upon realizing his most meaningful social interactions now took place among people he had never actually encountered in the flesh, local man...

‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly

CHICAGO—Plunged into sudden disarray and confusion, pedestrians on Augusta Boulevard were reportedly left frightened and wandering helplessly Monday after encountering a bright orange “Sidewalk...

What Are We Doing After Graduation?

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Despite own ties, Stitt criticizes dark money groups, calls for release of mansion donor...

Following a series of News 4 investigations into dark money groups trying to influence Oklahoma elections, Gov. Kevin Stitt is calling for more transparency—and...

Former CIA officer allegedly defrauded US by lying about his credentials: Complaint

The former government officer, David Rush, has been charged with theft of public money, according to a complaint filed in the Eastern District of Virginia. 

Newsom seeks to shield California elections from federal interference

Gov. Gavin Newsom has signed legislation that aims to shield California elections from federal interference ahead of the state's primary next week