Melania Takes Camilla On Fun Girls’ Day Of Staring Coldly Across Empty Room In...

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Melania Takes Camilla On Fun Girls’ Day Of Staring Coldly Across Empty Room In Silence appeared first on The Onion.
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Trump Endorses Changing ICE’s Name To NICE

Vol 62: Issue 17
President Trump endorsed the idea of changing Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s name to National Immigration and Customs Enforcement, giving it the acronym NICE. What...
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Rita Ora’s Agent Scores Singer Another Prime Crossword Puzzle Placement

Vol 62: Issue 17
LOS ANGELES—Instructing his client to drop what she was doing and take a look in today’s New York Times, talent agent Jeremy Weinrib informed...
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Jack In The Box

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Jack In The Box appeared first on The Onion.
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Drunk God Makes A Few Dozen Roosters Materialize Over Pacific Ocean

Vol 62: Issue 17
HONOLULU—Cackling wildly as He willed the barnyard fowl into existence, a drunk God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, reportedly made a few dozen...
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Overambitious Man Wants To Get 2 Things Done Today

Vol 62: Issue 17
AKRON, OH—Saying the expectations he had set for himself were completely unrealistic, friends of local man James Chao expressed skepticism this morning after the...
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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Clavicular

Vol 62: Issue 17
Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his...
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You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic appeared first on The Onion.
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King Charles Visits U.S. For State Dinner

Vol 62: Issue 17
King Charles III and his wife Queen Camilla arrived in the U.S. to attend a state dinner at the White House, highlighting the countries’...
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Trump Boys Break Another Blender Attempting To Make Oil Out Of Charcoal

Vol 62: Issue 17
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce gas prices while “President Dad” worked to reopen “the Street of Hummus ,” Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr....
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Despite own ties, Stitt criticizes dark money groups, calls for release of mansion donor...

Following a series of News 4 investigations into dark money groups trying to influence Oklahoma elections, Gov. Kevin Stitt is calling for more transparency—and...

Former CIA officer allegedly defrauded US by lying about his credentials: Complaint

The former government officer, David Rush, has been charged with theft of public money, according to a complaint filed in the Eastern District of Virginia. 

Newsom seeks to shield California elections from federal interference

Gov. Gavin Newsom has signed legislation that aims to shield California elections from federal interference ahead of the state's primary next week