Jack In The Box

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Jack In The Box appeared first on The Onion.
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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Clavicular

Vol 62: Issue 17
Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his...
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City Renames Street To Honor Charlie Kirk

Vol 62: Issue 17
The city of Westminster, CA redesignated a street from “All American Way” to “Charlie Kirk Way,” with the mayor claiming the change isn’t political....
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McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch

Vol 62: Issue 17
HUNT VALLEY, MD—Hailing the product as a life-changing alternative for those in need of controlled withdrawal solutions, officials at packaged food giant McCormick &...
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Carlos Alcaraz Withdraws From French Open Over Career-Threatening Haircut

Vol 62: Issue 17
MURCIA, SPAIN—Sending shock waves through the tennis world, world No. 2 Carlos Alcaraz officially withdrew from the French Open on Monday over a career-threatening...
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Drunk God Makes A Few Dozen Roosters Materialize Over Pacific Ocean

Vol 62: Issue 17
HONOLULU—Cackling wildly as He willed the barnyard fowl into existence, a drunk God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, reportedly made a few dozen...
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Trump Boys Break Another Blender Attempting To Make Oil Out Of Charcoal

Vol 62: Issue 17
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce gas prices while “President Dad” worked to reopen “the Street of Hummus ,” Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr....
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King Charles Visits U.S. For State Dinner

Vol 62: Issue 17
King Charles III and his wife Queen Camilla arrived in the U.S. to attend a state dinner at the White House, highlighting the countries’...
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Trump Claims Correspondents’ Dinner Shooting Reinforces Need To End Journalism

Vol 62: Issue 17
WASHINGTON—Declaring that the frightening incident underscored a point he had been making for many years, President Donald Trump claimed Monday that the shooting at...
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Report: You Probably Due To Experience Big Life Tragedy Soon

Vol 62: Issue 17
LEXINGTON, KY—Researchers at the University of Kentucky published a study Monday confirming that you should brace yourself for a massive personal disaster, because you...
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