Casey Means Sucked Back Into Magical Neti Pot

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Casey Means Sucked Back Into Magical Neti Pot appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Polite Cult Member Assumes Reason Penises Cut Off Will Eventually Come Up In Conversation

Vol 62: Issue 17
BOULDER, CO—Assuring himself that the rationale for the ritualized surgery would be revealed in due course, cult member Jason Fitzpatrick told reporters Friday that...
Read more

Conservationists Give Gorillas Bank Accounts

Vol 62: Issue 17
A nonprofit in Rwanda gave gorillas bank accounts as a way to provide compensation to those who render assistance to them, with both the...
Read more

The Met Gala By The Numbers

Vol 62: Issue 17
The 2026 Met Gala will take place Monday, May 4. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the annual star-studded event. 1 in...
Read more

McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch

Vol 62: Issue 17
HUNT VALLEY, MD—Hailing the product as a life-changing alternative for those in need of controlled withdrawal solutions, officials at packaged food giant McCormick &...
Read more

Table Tennis Champion Too Weak To Hoist Trophy Over Head

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Table Tennis Champion Too Weak To Hoist Trophy Over Head appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Phish Ask Fans To Stop Hacky-Sacking Sphere

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Phish Ask Fans To Stop Hacky-Sacking Sphere appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner

Vol 62: Issue 17
The post Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

James Comey Indicted Over Seashell Photo

Vol 62: Issue 17
The Justice Department indicted former FBI director James Comey a second time for posting a photo of seashells arranged in the shape of “86...
Read more

Japanese Diplomat Worried He Embarrassed Himself In Front Of Kid Rock

Vol 62: Issue 17
WASHINGTON—Mortified at the effect his blundering might have on delicate relations between the two countries, Japanese diplomat Ryuto Tanaka confirmed Thursday that he was...
Read more
123Page 1 of 3

Latest article

Researchers unearth Southeast Asia’s largest dinosaur

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3060x1980+0+0/resize/3060x1980!/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fba%2Fc8%2F6407eb7d47b7b78c55a26ba5e694%2Fnagatitan-2.png" alt="An artistic illustration of the Nagatitan, the largest dinosaur discovered in Southeast Asia.">They're calling it the "last titan" of Thailand. The sauropod...

Trump-Xi summit Day 1 takeaways: ANALYSIS

Key takeaways from Day 1 of the high-stakes summit between Donald Trump and China's Xi Jinping.

Authorities seek help identifying suspect in larceny investigation

The Midwest City Police Department is asking the public for help identifying a man allegedly wanted for questioning in connection with a string of...