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Posts by The Onion Staff
The Onion Staff
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Entertainment
Nick Offerman Visits Criterion Closet To Rebuild Shelves
Animals
Biologists Confirm Not Much Evolution Happened Today
Alcohol
Increased Work Commitments Causing Man To Neglect Alcohol
American Voices
Roblox Introduces Age-Based Accounts
American Voices
Hollywood Stars Pen Open Letter Opposing Paramount–Warner Bros. Merger
Cartoons
Moonshot Their Wad
Former Print Exclusive
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong
Economy
Brutal Economy Fulfills Mom’s Dream Of Having All Her Kids Back...
Former Print Exclusive
Wretches Welcome
Football
NFL Announces Multiple Games Next Season To Be Played Across Ancient...
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Latest article
2 killed in Caribbean strike on alleged ‘narco-trafficking’ boat, Pentagon says
U.S. Southern Command said in a statement that it struck an alleged "narco-trafficking" boat in the Caribbean Sea on Monday, killing two people.
U.S. attempt to open Strait of Hormuz tests fragile Iran war ceasefire
The Iran war risked reigniting after the U.S. tried to force open the Strait of Hormuz, though a ceasefire seemed to be holding Tuesday...
WATCH: 2026 Met Gala highlights
The 2026 Met Gala saw stars from Beyoncé and Jay-Z to Madonna, Cher, Bad Bunny, Sabrina Carpenter grace the red carpet.