SADDLE RIVER, NJ—Saying “Down, down!” in an assertive voice and repeatedly spraying her with water, local man Justin Landry emphasized to reporters Thursday that his surrogate was not allowed on the furniture. “I feel bad, but this couch is expensive, and I don’t exactly know where she’s been,” said Landry, adding that as much as he loved the 28-year-old who had agreed to carry his unborn child for the next nine months, he didn’t want her scratching the fabric with her nails, shedding her long brown hair, or getting blood and amniotic fluid everywhere if she suddenly went into labor. “I guess we could put a blanket down, but it’s a slippery slope. She’s cute and everything—it’s just that she belongs on the floor, in her own bed, or in the backyard, not up here with us.” According to reports, Landry later got into a screaming match with his wife after he caught her repeatedly dropping bites of human food under the table for the hungry gestational carrier to eat.
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