Mom Mails Son Jar She Needs Opened
The post Mom Mails Son Jar She Needs Opened appeared first on The Onion.
U.S. Indicts Former Cuban President
The Department of Justice filed charges, including murder and conspiring to kill U.S. nationals, against former Cuban President Raúl Castro for the 1996 downing...
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Trying To Draw Foul While Shooting Free Throw
The post Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Trying To Draw Foul While Shooting Free Throw appeared first on The Onion.
Student Council Treasurer’s Deepest Convictions Tested By Access To $52 In Singles
SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Struggling feebly against the temptation to abandon the ethical standards he swore to uphold upon his election to the position, local student...
Kyle Richards Menacingly Circles ‘Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives’ Spinoff Shoot
LOS ANGELES—Flashing her freshly manicured nails in a show of dominance, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills cast member Kyle Richards was seen Thursday circling...
The Iran War By The Numbers
Since the U.S. and Israel attacked Iran on Feb. 28, hostilities have escalated into naval blockades and threats from both sides that could spark...
Nation Begs Frozen Fruit Companies To Keep The Giant Flavorless Blackberries Coming
WASHINGTON—Stressing that they couldn’t get enough of the bland icy husks that crumble apart in their mouths, the American people reportedly begged frozen fruit...
Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner
The post Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner appeared first on The Onion.
Alex Honnold Has Panic Attack At Top Of Step Ladder
LAS VEGAS—His body trembling as he gripped the support bar for dear life, rock climber Alex Honnold reportedly had a panic attack this week...
Rawlings Donates 50,000 Baseball Gloves To Ukrainian War Effort
ST. LOUIS—In an effort to meet the urgent needs of a country in the throes of a dire humanitarian crisis, sporting goods manufacturer Rawlings...
Latest article
Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids
The inaugural Enhanced Games, consisting of weightlifting, swimming, and sprinting, were held, which allowed competitors to take performance-enhancing drugs in hopes of pushing the...
Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity
BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara Vasques expressed concern Wednesday that...
Elon Musk Hits Up Text Thread To See If Any Of His 13 Kids...
STARBASE, TX—Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up a text thread Wednesday to...
