The Rails
Why settle down in one place when the whole country can be your home? Grab your bindle, hop one of these boxcars, and you’ll...
Dept. Of Interior Grills Up Nation’s Remaining Endangered Species
WASHINGTON—With fragrant smoke wafting down Pennsylvania Avenue as a line of administration officials and VIPs stretched around the block, sources reported Saturday that leadership...
Antichrist Rolls Eyes Throughout Peter Thiel Lecture
ROME—In addition to crossing his arms and shaking his head as he listened to the tech billionaire spread blatant misinformation about the End Times,...
Everyone Needs To Calm Down, Reports Man Who Accidentally Shot Someone
CLARKTON, NC—Stressing the need to get a grip and think clearly for a second, local man Ryan Kruze, who had just accidentally shot someone,...
Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda
Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda: The happy couple were wed in a quiet ceremony attended by 20 friends and one new virus the rest...
Vacationing Mom Misses Alexa
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Sighing loudly as she gazed at the empty countertop in the family’s rented condo, vacationing mom Jan Freehorn told reporters Friday that...
We Seem To Be At An Impasse Over What $24.99 Worth Of Shrimp Looks Like
Well, sir, it pains me to say this, but it appears we are at loggerheads: I have said my piece. You have responded in...
Michelle Zhang-Russo
Michelle Zhang-Russo, 54, died expectedly to everyone who knows you should never order oysters from a restaurant on a Monday.
The post Michelle Zhang-Russo appeared...
Bay Area Children Set Up Adrenochrome Stand On Side Of Road
ATHERTON, CA—With a hand-painted sign taped to the front of their fold-up card table, local Bay Area children Rowan and Amanda Denton reportedly opened...
Ring Launches Streaming Service
HAWTHORNE, CA—Providing customers with an expansive and growing library of premium content, smart doorbell manufacturer Ring launched a new streaming service Wednesday.
Company officials said...
Latest article
As Burgum’s troubles intensify at the Interior Department, Trump’s new move won’t help
Around this time three years ago, then-North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum still had a reputation as a relatively pragmatic Republican with a successful private-sector...
Emergency crews respond to crash involving EMBARK bus
Emergency crews responded after a crash involving a motorcycle and an EMBARK bus Monday morning.
FULL LIST: Dips, salsas sold at major retailers in 26 states recalled over salmonella...
The salsa, dips, guacamole, and more were sold at Kroger, Target, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, and Walmart locations across half the U.S.
