Bondi: ‘My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims’
The post Bondi: ‘My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims’ appeared first on The Onion.
Pete Hegseth Replaces Top General With Horse That Drinks Beer
WASHINGTON—Saying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Friday that he was...
Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz
The post Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion.
Blue Origin To Increase Space Tourism By Launching World’s Largest Ball Of Twine Into...
KENT, WA—In an effort to attract new customers by generating more enthusiasm for space tourism among the general populace, civilian spaceflight operator Blue Origin...
Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff
SACRAMENTO, CA—Following an extended series of failed attempts, Friday night’s matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento Kings reportedly ended with neither...
Photo Of Unknown Child Graces Grandma’s Fridge
The post Photo Of Unknown Child Graces Grandma’s Fridge appeared first on The Onion.
Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heist
Food conglomerate Nestlé said that about 12 tons of KitKats, or 413,793 candy bars, were stolen after leaving its production site in Italy, with...
Colorado Overrun With Flamboyant Children After Camp Director Notices Conversion Therapy Device Set To...
DENVER—Growing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan...
Marvel Calls Emergency Meeting To Determine If They Already Made One Called ‘Avengers: Doomsday’
BURBANK, CA—In an effort to determine whether they needed to cease production immediately or if the film’s title simply sounded familiar, Marvel Studios reportedly called an...
Trump Signs Executive Order To Create Federal Voting List
President Donald Trump signed an executive order aiming to create federal lists of citizens which the U.S. Postal Service would use to ensure mail...
Latest article
Trump doubles down on ’86’ as mob term after Comey indictment
Former FBI Director James Comey made an initial court appearance on Wednesday.
The problem(s) with Team Trump’s new price tag for the war with Iran
The list of questions surrounding the war with Iran is not short, but one of the nagging lines of inquiry involves its price tag:...
Louisiana governor intends to delay House primaries after Supreme Court ruling
Republican Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry intends to postpone the six congressional primaries scheduled for May 16 so the state legislature can implement a new...
