Derek Sanders

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Mountain-climbing enthusiast Derek Sanders, 37, tragically fell to his death Friday on the escalator of an REI. The post Derek Sanders appeared first on The...
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Nicer Shampoo Tragically Worth The Extra Money

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CHICAGO—Reacting with dismay to the immediate positive results yielded by the hair care product, local woman Taylor Suthers confirmed Thursday that the nicer shampoo...
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Giving Up Too Much Work

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The post Giving Up Too Much Work appeared first on The Onion.
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ICE Taps BTK Killer To Design New Migrant Detention Center

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WASHINGTON—Calling the upcoming collaboration their most “ambitious foray yet into the field of human suffering,” U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials announced Wednesday that...
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Hibernation-Ready

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This warm, cozy home is move-in ready and features a pile of 100,000 acorns gathered by the previous owner. Reference #882011 The post Hibernation-Ready appeared first...
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College Vs. Trade School

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Amidst rising costs and concerns about long-term prospects, more young Americans are forgoing traditional higher education paths in favor of vocational schools. The Onion...
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Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face

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WASHINGTON—In a troubling discovery that has public health researchers on high alert for a wider outbreak, a team of Georgetown University epidemiologists announced Tuesday...
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Lucy Hastings and Sebastián González

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Everyone thought it was strange that the least attractive of the sisters was the first to be married, but no one expected the officiant...
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Taking Advantage Of Other People Was The Best Financial Decision I Ever Made

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I used to struggle with my finances. Every month I’d stress out about how I was going to make rent, pay the bills, and...
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RFK Jr. Sucks Measles Vaccine Out Of Infant

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The post RFK Jr. Sucks Measles Vaccine Out Of Infant appeared first on The Onion.
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DOJ opens criminal investigation into E. Jean Carroll: Reports

The Department of Justice has opened a criminal investigation into E. Jean Carroll, the writer who accused President Donald Trump of sexually assaulting her...

Despite own ties, Stitt criticizes dark money groups, calls for release of mansion donor...

Following a series of News 4 investigations into dark money groups trying to influence Oklahoma elections, Gov. Kevin Stitt is calling for more transparency—and...

Former CIA officer allegedly defrauded US by lying about his credentials: Complaint

The former government officer, David Rush, has been charged with theft of public money, according to a complaint filed in the Eastern District of Virginia.