Wretches Welcome
Room and board provided, but you will need to earn your keep. Your quarters are the garret, where you will sleep in silence beside...
Tanya Brown
Tanya Brown, 46, died Wednesday when she was unable to prevent her driverless vehicle from dragging her through a slaughterhouse.
The post Tanya Brown appeared...
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong
CHICAGO—Concluding that the costs of keeping such a device in the bedroom far exceeded the benefits, a study released Monday by the University of...
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pope Leo XIV
As the first supreme pontiff from the United States, Pope Leo XIV has balanced anti-war and climate advocacy with tending to the diverse spiritual...
Growing Up With Brothers, I’ve Always Gotten Along Better With Guys Who Don’t Respect...
I’m not your average girl. Sure, I wear makeup, jewelry, and dresses, but don’t let my feminine exterior fool you: I like to drink...
Pentagon Develops Tactical Zoot Suit
WASHINGTON—Calling the snazzy battle garments the most substantial advancement in boogie-woogie warfare in 85 years, Pentagon officials confirmed Friday that development on the U.S....
Peyton Boudouris and Brandon Trusler
The bride and groom’s golden retriever served as their ring bearer, which was a real fuck-you to their two young children.
The post Peyton Boudouris...
Illinois Becomes First State To Require Haircut Leave While Bob Grows Out
SPRINGFIELD, IL—As the landmark bipartisan legislation passed into law Thursday, Illinois became the first state in the union to mandate paid haircut leave...
Never Mind, It’s An Airbnb Now
This would’ve been a great place to raise a family, but instead a wealthy couple will collect egregious amounts of passive income from bachelorette...
U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia
WASHINGTON—In a major new agreement expected to provide the United States with unprecedented market access to the island nation, President Donald Trump announced Friday...
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3 evacuated off cruise ship with suspected hantavirus cluster, WHO says
Swiss authorities also confirmed a case in a passenger who had left the ship.
Abortion pill fight thrust into spotlight as midterms heat up
A federal court has thrust the issue of abortion back into the national spotlight, just months before the midterm elections. Voter anger about abortion...
Gas costs 50% more than it did before the Iran war
Gas costs 50% more than it did before the Iran war.
