Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
WASHINGTON—Apologizing to his fellow congressmen after he fumbled the wooden handle for the fifth time in a row, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson...
Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be...
EAU CLAIRE, WI—Staring down at his dampened shirt with a mixture of anger and stunned disbelief, local man Frank Buchwald was reportedly acting like...
A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set
BLÁSKÓGABYGGÐ, ICELAND—Expressing regret that the interruption would delay the highly anticipated video game adaptation, the producers of A24’s upcoming Elden Ring film announced Tuesday...
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
WASHINGTON—Dazed while trying to piece together the series of bizarre yet deeply vivid images, the entire nation reportedly awoke Monday from a strange dream in...
‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To...
MIAMI—Confined to a federal detention center in Florida and facing extradition to the U.K. on multiple charges of human trafficking and rape, social media...
Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
WASHINGTON—Vehemently defending his controversial closed-eye moments, President Donald Trump insisted Monday that his frequent naps were necessary to protect U.S. interests in Dreamland. “It...
Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant
The post Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant appeared first on The Onion.
Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls
ITHACA, NY—Concluding that Americans were being forced to endure huge stretches of the year without any obvious social pretext for serving warm bread, a...
Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier
PITTSBURGH—Attempting to soften the blow with a promise to go out for ice cream later, local parents Dylan and Olivia Barnes reportedly sat their...
Political Profile: Todd Blanche
Amid concerns over a $1.8 billion fund to compensate Jan. 6 rioters and his handling of the Epstein files, acting Attorney General Todd Blanche...
Latest article
Oklahoma Task Force assistance extended in Texas flood response
The Oklahoma City Fire Department (OKCFD) on Tuesday released its latest update on the Oklahoma Task Force assisting with the Texas flood response.
Edmond PD seeks public help identifying hit-and-run driver
The Edmond Police Department is asking the public to assist in identifying a suspect allegedly involved in a hit-and-run investigation.
Tulsa PD arrests 13-year-old after threatening girl at Gathering Place
Authorities in Tulsa say a 13-year-old boy has been arrested for possession of a firearm after allegedly threatening a girl at the Gathering Place.
