Michael Rapaport Gives Knicks’ Celebrity Row Bedbugs

Vol 62: Issue 2
NEW YORK—Following a scene in which numerous high-profile attendees were observed violently clawing at their own skin, officials at Madison Square Garden acknowledged Wednesday...
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Zoe Peters

Vol 62: Issue 2
Zoe Peters died at 76 from a heart attack, assuming the medical examiner accepts her husband’s bribe. The post Zoe Peters appeared first on The...
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What Are We Protesting?

Vol 62: Issue 2
The post What Are We Protesting? appeared first on The Onion.
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Man Torn Over Which Shirt Worthy Of Wooden Hanger

Vol 62: Issue 2
THOMASVILLE, GA—Paralyzed by the weight of the choice before him, local man Sam Corrigan reportedly spent several agonizing minutes Monday deciding which of his...
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Nick Offerman Visits Criterion Closet To Rebuild Shelves

Vol 62: Issue 2
NEW YORK—In an eight-hour-long video posted Tuesday to the Criterion Collection’s YouTube channel, actor Nick Offerman can be seen paying a visit to the...
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Biologists Confirm Not Much Evolution Happened Today

Vol 62: Issue 2
STANFORD, CA—Calling it a “pretty slow one” as far as natural selection and genetic drift were concerned, biologists from Stanford University confirmed Tuesday that...
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Increased Work Commitments Causing Man To Neglect Alcohol

Vol 62: Issue 2
WATERBURY, CT—Admitting his career had come between him and what mattered most, local man Andrew Tesser confirmed Thursday that mounting work obligations had caused...
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Teresa Willis and Brendan Cooks

Vol 62: Issue 2
Nuptials were held at the same convenience store where the bride first threatened to put a bullet in the groom’s skull if he didn’t...
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Poor Sleep Linked To Gong

Vol 62: Issue 2
CHICAGO—Concluding that the costs of keeping such a device in the bedroom far exceeded the benefits, a study released Monday by the University of...
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Wretches Welcome

Vol 62: Issue 2
Room and board provided, but you will need to earn your keep. Your quarters are the garret, where you will sleep in silence beside...
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Warr Acres man arrested for starting fires in rural Oklahoma

A 41-year-old man was arrested and charged with three felony counts of arson after evidence from wildfires pointed back to him, including tire tracks...

Bond for Chud the Builder set at $1.25M in courthouse shooting case

Social media personality "Chud the Builder" appeared in court Friday after he was involved in a shooting at the Montgomery County Courthouse.

Possible US indictment of former Cuban president Raul Castro in coming days: Sources

The U.S. could announce a possible criminal indictment of former Cuban president Raul Castro in the coming days, sources familiar with the matter said.