Peyton Boudouris and Brandon Trusler

Vol 62: Issue 2
The bride and groom’s golden retriever served as their ring bearer, which was a real fuck-you to their two young children. The post Peyton Boudouris...
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Pentagon Develops Tactical Zoot Suit

Vol 62: Issue 2
WASHINGTON—Calling the snazzy battle garments the most substantial advancement in boogie-woogie warfare in 85 years, Pentagon officials confirmed Friday that development on the U.S....
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Growing Up With Brothers, I’ve Always Gotten Along Better With Guys Who Don’t Respect...

Vol 62: Issue 2
I’m not your average girl. Sure, I wear makeup, jewelry, and dresses, but don’t let my feminine exterior fool you: I like to drink...
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U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia

Vol 62: Issue 2
WASHINGTON—In a major new agreement expected to provide the United States with unprecedented market access to the island nation, President Donald Trump announced Friday...
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Never Mind, It’s An Airbnb Now

Vol 62: Issue 2
This would’ve been a great place to raise a family, but instead a wealthy couple will collect egregious amounts of passive income from bachelorette...
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Illinois Becomes First State To Require Haircut Leave While Bob Grows Out

Vol 62: Issue 2
SPRINGFIELD, IL—As the landmark bipartisan legislation passed into law Thursday, Illinois became the first state in the union to mandate paid haircut leave...
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Nation’s Women: ‘We’re Pregnant!’

Vol 62: Issue 2
WASHINGTON—In a surprising collective announcement that left the American public hugging and crying tears of joy, the nation’s women declared Wednesday that they were...
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Gideon Spencer

Vol 62: Issue 2
Gideon Spencer, 77, died Monday. The family requests privacy while they fight over his stuff. The post Gideon Spencer appeared first on The Onion.
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Arby’s Reclassifies Their Food As Entertainment

Vol 62: Issue 2
ATLANTA—In a move widely interpreted as an effort to exempt its offerings from health and safety standards, American chain restaurant Arby’s issued a statement...
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Swollen RFK Jr. Warns Americans Not Eating Enough Bees

Vol 62: Issue 2
WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly swollen Robert F. Kennedy Jr....
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Latest article

Trump’s pick to lead CDC signals shift away from vaccine skepticism

Trump's pick to lead CDC signals shift away from vaccine skepticism

1 in 3 US households struggle to pay energy bills, but the reality is...

1 in 3 US households struggle to pay energy bills, but the reality is likely even worse

Photos: How overfishing in Southeast Asia is an ecological and human crisis

A rare look at one of the world's most critical and understudied environmental crises. Southeast Asia produces more than half of the world's fish,...