Red Light Therapy: Myth Vs. Fact

Local
Masks, panels, and other red light therapy devices are selling better than ever. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding red light therapy. MYTH:...
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Mysterious Gerbil Watches From Edge Of Yard As Family Hamster Laid To Rest

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The post Mysterious Gerbil Watches From Edge Of Yard As Family Hamster Laid To Rest appeared first on The Onion.
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Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed

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COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery, regretful conservative Nate Hanlon reportedly woke up Wednesday morning to find that...
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Soybean Wishes It Could Just Be A Soybean And Have That Be Enough

Local
CARMI, IL—Expressing anxiety over the immense pressure it faced to become various food products, a local legume confided to reporters Tuesday that it wished...
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Uber Driver Casually Mentions This His First Time Driving

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The post Uber Driver Casually Mentions This His First Time Driving appeared first on The Onion.
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Man Finally Good Enough At New Hobby To Understand How Bad He Is At...

Local
ST. LOUIS—Voicing frustration as he discussed his lack of even the most rudimentary skills, local man Henry Right told reporters Monday that he had...
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Tips For Getting Better Haircuts

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Getting a haircut you truly love can be a challenge. The Onion shares tips for getting better haircuts. Be as specific as possible when describing...
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Man Torn Over Which Shirt Worthy Of Wooden Hanger

Local
THOMASVILLE, GA—Paralyzed by the weight of the choice before him, local man Sam Corrigan reportedly spent several agonizing minutes Monday deciding which of his...
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Casket Still Has Stock Corpse In It 

Local
ATHENS, GA—Noting that the dead body was “far more handsome” than her deceased brother, local woman Danielle Lundy confirmed the casket she purchased this...
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Increased Work Commitments Causing Man To Neglect Alcohol

Local
WATERBURY, CT—Admitting his career had come between him and what mattered most, local man Andrew Tesser confirmed Thursday that mounting work obligations had caused...
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Latest article

Iran ceasefire tested as cargo ship catches fire after being hit off Qatar’s coast

A cargo ship caught fire Sunday after being hit by an unknown projectile off Qatar's coast, the British military said.

Gas, groceries and getting by: How voters in one Ohio district see affordability

Ohio voters headed to the polls last week for primary elections, and in competitive districts like the one where Toledo is primarily located, the...

WATCH: Nationwide battle over redistricting escalates

The fight to redraw the nation’s congressional maps is escalating as Virginia asks its own Supreme Court to pause the ruling that struck down a new map Democrats had counted on.