COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery, regretful conservative Nate Hanlon reportedly woke up Wednesday morning to find that he had drunkenly gotten a neo-Nazi tattoo removed. “Shit, shit, shit—there’s no way I can go outside looking like this,” said a hungover Hanlon, groaning as he stumbled into his closet to find an appropriate sweater or hoodie that could cover up his now hate-symbol-free skin. “God, it was that last round of tequilas that did me in. Never would have done something so stupid if I’d stuck to beers. How am I going to explain this to my followers on Rumble? Guess I’ll just have to lay low until I get my Celtic cross replaced.” At press time, a horrified Hanlon is said to have discovered that, sometime the previous night, he had gotten the “Coexist” symbol tattooed on his lower back.
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