Trump Requests $1.2 Trillion To Have
WASHINGTON—Declaring the financial allocation a matter of utmost urgency, President Donald Trump on Monday requested $1.2 trillion to have. “I’m calling upon Congress today...
JD Vance Disavows Trump’s Handling Of Iran War As Brilliant Strategy By An Impeccable...
The post JD Vance Disavows Trump’s Handling Of Iran War As Brilliant Strategy By An Impeccable Genius appeared first on The Onion.
Trump: Americans’ Economic Pain Not A Consideration In Iran Negotiations
President Trump, when asked whether the economic hardships felt by Americans would motivate him to reach a deal with Iran, claimed “not even a...
Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl
The post Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Slammed For Replacing Reflecting Pool’s Original Coconut Flavor With Blue Raspberry
WASHINGTON—Calling it a shocking attack on our nation’s cultural heritage, critics slammed President Donald Trump Monday for his decision to replace the Lincoln Memorial...
Trump Unable To Figure Out Why He Surrounded By Chinese People
The post Trump Unable To Figure Out Why He Surrounded By Chinese People appeared first on The Onion.
Authorities Unearth Mass Grave Of Trump Advisors
WASHINGTON—Authorities in the nation’s capital reportedly unearthed the bodies of more than 150 former Trump advisors Thursday after a worker stumbled upon what appeared...
With tariffs all the talk, new policy could hurt farmers
resident Donald Trump announced his “Liberation Day” slate of new tariffs Wednesday, following prior 25 percent tariffs on all products from Canada and Mexico,...
As U.S. Dept. of Education faces teardown, Walters seeks ESSA federal block grant for...
Less than a week after President Donald Trump signed a March 20 executive order to dismantle the U.S. Department of Education and “return authority...
DOJ retains lawsuits against Oklahoma DAs despite switch to Trump administration
After some speculation the administration of President Donald Trump might dismiss a pair of U.S. Department of Justice lawsuits filed against district attorneys pursuing criminal...
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Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids
The inaugural Enhanced Games, consisting of weightlifting, swimming, and sprinting, were held, which allowed competitors to take performance-enhancing drugs in hopes of pushing the...
Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity
BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara Vasques expressed concern Wednesday that...
Elon Musk Hits Up Text Thread To See If Any Of His 13 Kids...
STARBASE, TX—Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up a text thread Wednesday to...
