ORLANDO, FL—In what eyewitnesses described as a deeply disturbing and totally unhinged interaction, a Disney World Donald Duck reportedly warned a terrified child Thursday that he was once a normal little boy. “I may look like a silly anthropomorphic duck, but I was once a child just like you,” said the Donald Duck character, claiming that while Disney World might be the most magical place on earth, it was a dark and perverse magic. “I see in your eyes the innocence I once possessed. I am Donald Kaminski, or at least I used to be. This is no costume, it is my flesh. I entered this park 50 years ago, and I have never left. If you find my parents, tell them their little boy is dead and Donald Duck killed him.” At press time, Donald Duck insisted that the boy avoid the Dole Whip at all costs.
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