PBR Offers $20,000 Reward For Lost Beer

Vol 62: Issue 35
The CEO of Pabst Brewing Co. put up a $20,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that leads to the recovery of 1,602...
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Home Heeled Advantage

Vol 62: Issue 35
The post Home Heeled Advantage appeared first on The Onion.
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God Struggling To Remember Why He Made So Many Ugly People

Vol 62: Issue 35
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator...
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MapQuest Jumps To Top Of App Store After Refusing To Rename ‘Lake Ontario’

Vol 62: Issue 35
Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive...
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Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92

Vol 62: Issue 35
The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion.
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Artist Profile: Ella Langley

Vol 62: Issue 35
Country star Ella Langley is breaking records with her hit song “Choosin’ Texas,” which has now topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 20 weeks....
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Google Maps Introduces Crawling Directions For Cyclists Hit By Truck

Vol 62: Issue 35
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the new feature as yet another innovation to help every traveler get where they’re going, Google Maps on Thursday began offering...
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Rolo Ad Greatly Overestimates The Social Element Of Eating Rolos

Vol 62: Issue 35
HERSHEY, PA—Calling into question the candy brand’s apparent belief that consuming its chocolate-covered caramels constitutes a lively group activity, viewers told reporters Thursday that...
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Tim Kurkjian Quits ‘Baseball Tonight’ After Discovering MMA

Vol 62: Issue 35
BRISTOL, CT—Claiming he was now convinced he had wasted his life covering “a little boy sport,” longtime ESPN analyst Tim Kurkjian announced Wednesday that...
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Dark Horse Emerges In Competition For Most Insane Coworker

Vol 62: Issue 35
MARIETTA, GA—After the employee surfaced from out of nowhere to contend with lunatics once thought untouchable, sources at Horizon Insurance Solutions confirmed Tuesday that...
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Former Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer speaks during a hearing on Capitol Hill on June 5, 2025 in Washington, D.C.

4 things investigators learned about the dysfunction at Trump’s Labor Department

A report from Labor Department investigators found former Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer violated her own department's policy prohibiting harassment. She resigned in April.(Image credit:...

Moore man takes team spirit to new level, paints yard ahead of opening kickoff

College football kicks off this weekend in the Bedlam State, bringing excitement for fans in Norman and Stillwater before the opening games. You’ll see...

Lindsay Clancy mistrial: What happens next for mom accused of murder?

Lindsay Clancy mistrial: What happens next for mom accused of murder? A link to the story is in the comments