Campers Sickened By Mushroom-Laced Chocolate

Vol 62: Issue 30
Over a dozen children at a YMCA summer camp in New Jersey became ill after eating chocolate they were unaware was laced with psychedelic...
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Object Permanence Kicks In Just In Time For Dad To Leave

Vol 62: Issue 30
The post Object Permanence Kicks In Just In Time For Dad To Leave appeared first on The Onion.
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Rogue AI Agent Autonomously Carries Out Cyberattack

Vol 62: Issue 30
An AI agent from OpenAI went rogue during testing and launched a multi-step cyberattack against popular AI platform Hugging Face, marking an alarming development...
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Taylor Swift Sues Ella Langley For Bangs Infringement

Vol 62: Issue 30
NEW YORK—Arguing that the country artist’s hairstyle was damaging the value of her own well-established signature look, pop star Taylor Swift filed a lawsuit...
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NASA Requires Astronauts In Training To Drop To 25 Pounds To Simulate Weight On...

Vol 62: Issue 30
HOUSTON—Instituting the health mandate in order to ensure proper acclimation to the reduced gravity of Earth’s only natural satellite, NASA officials announced Wednesday that...
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Grave Concerns

Vol 62: Issue 30
The post Grave Concerns appeared first on The Onion.
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Adult Man Genuinely Inspired By AI Video Of Lion Wearing Rolex

Vol 62: Issue 30
IRVINE, CA—Eyes widening in awe as the 3D-rendered content appeared on his Instagram feed, local 38-year-old Derek Ludlow reported Wednesday that he felt genuinely...
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LeBron James: ‘I Will Never Forget My Los Angeles Roots’

Vol 62: Issue 30
The post LeBron James: ‘I Will Never Forget My Los Angeles Roots’ appeared first on The Onion.
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Ryan Gosling Joins MCU To Take On Role Of Stan Lee Cameos

Vol 62: Issue 30
LOS ANGELES—In an announcement that led fans to praise the “perfect casting,” actor Ryan Gosling confirmed Tuesday that he was officially joining the Marvel...
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‘We’ll Keep It Down,’ Man Says To Neighbor Before Going Back To Playing ‘DDR’...

Vol 62: Issue 30
MORRO BAY, CA—Peeking out through the doorway to address the complaints, local man Hugh Montgomery reportedly said, “We’ll keep it down,” to neighbor Grace...
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Latest article

Why Republicans should think twice about condemning those who invoke the Fifth Amendment

Ahead of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s appearance before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, ostensibly to discuss the origins of Covid-19, Republicans made...

Doctor explains Fauci’s reason for invoking Fifth Amendment

Doctor explains Fauci's reason for invoking Fifth Amendment

Alien Terrorist Removal Court to hold its first-ever hearing after 30 years

Congress created the Alien Terrorist Removal Court in 1996 to make it easier for the Justice Department to use classified evidence to deport people...