Lucky Fan Wins Open-Heart Surgery From Stars Of ‘The Pitt’
BURBANK, CA—Touting the promotion as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go behind the scenes of the beloved medical drama, producers of The Pitt announced Thursday...
Health Department Shuts Down Guy Fieri
SANTA ROSA, CA—Upon issuing a citation that listed wet surfaces and thick coatings of grease among numerous other violations, the Sonoma County Health Department...
Gail Barnsom
Gail Barnsom, 74, tragically lost her battle with escalators Thursday.
The post Gail Barnsom appeared first on The Onion.
Javier Bardem Declared UNESCO World-Class Hunk
PARIS—In a statement citing the need to preserve his smoldering good looks so that future generations could continue to swoon over him, U.N. officials...
Window Ajar
This picturesque luxury cottage is available free of charge until the family that owns it gets back from their trip to Montauk.
Reference #07965
The post...
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Sabrina Carpenter
Pop star Sabrina Carpenter is one of several artists set to headline this year’s Lollapalooza. The Onion sat down with the “Espresso” singer to...
Caleb Marks and Tiffany Williamson
Caleb Marks and Teresa Williamson began their life together with the bride blissfully unaware mortgage lenders calculate rates on the lower of the couple’s...
Indiana Offers Tax Breaks To Attract Religious Doomsday Cults
INDIANAPOLIS—With an official proclamation that declared the state “open to self-proclaimed messianic prophets,” Indiana began offering tax breaks Wednesday to attract religious doomsday cults. “Whether...
Spooky Tax Evasion House
Live in the very house where a man failed to pay $200,000 in taxes over 10 years…if you dare!
Reference #29301
The post Spooky Tax Evasion...
ICE Confirms Agents Do Not Have Faces Beneath Masks
WASHINGTON—In response to legislation that would ban officers from obscuring their identities during arrests and raids, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed Thursday that...
Latest article
National pizza chain to close 300 locations by end of 2027
Two hundred of the "underperforming" locations will close by the end of this year, according to the company's CFO.
Southwest Airlines ‘refining’ new seating process amid complaints over boarding, bin space
The announcement comes after complaints from some of Southwest’s longtime travelers.
Hegseth leaves door open for boots on the ground in Iran
Four Americans have been killed so far in the war.
