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‘His patience is running out’: Team Trump intensifies fight against GOP’s John Thune

There’s one word Donald Trump clearly doesn’t like to hear: “No.” And yet, it’s precisely what Senate Majority Leader John Thune has been forced...

Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sighing as he prepared to board a bus to the airport for his return flight home, American tourist Ben Frachs reported feeling disappointed...

One-Week Sober Man Thought All Problems Would Be Fixed By Now

CHARLOTTE, NC—Admitting he was baffled that the seven days without whiskey hadn’t already made him a high-functioning member of society, local one-week sober man...