WASHINGTON—In what is being described as a major breach of White House security protocol, the National Security Agency reportedly uncovered evidence Friday that first lady Melania Trump was a Russian listening device. “A sweep by intelligence officials has revealed that Mrs. Trump is in fact an espionage tool deployed by Russia to record President Trump while blending in seamlessly among his inner circle,” said NSA director Joshua Rudd, explaining that the surveillance apparatus disguised through the years as a Slovenian model and, later, the first lady was exposed only after sparks caused by improper wiring in her speaker were observed flying from her mouth. “The hidden microphone codenamed FLOTUS appears to have been used by the Kremlin to continually transmit audio data ever since being gifted to Donald Trump in 1998. We first suspected she might be part of a Russian monitoring effort due to the antennae protruding from her head and occasional disrupted speech patterns that sounded like interference from Moscow radio stations.” Rudd added that they were still trying to determine what the Russians intended to do with the 5,000 hours of voice recordings of an American president berating his wife to lose weight.
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