WASHINGTON—Calling it a shocking attack on our nation’s cultural heritage, critics slammed President Donald Trump Monday for his decision to replace the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool’s original coconut flavor with blue raspberry. “For more than a century, a statue of Abraham Lincoln has gazed out over the reflecting pool that bears his name and that has been filled with the sweet, slightly creamy coconut flavor he adored,” said preservationist Marie Pagano, adding that the significance of coconuts in American history began in the years leading up to the Revolutionary War, when insurgent colonists frequently pelted British forces in highly coordinated coconut ambushes. “To see the pool filled with blue raspberry despite Lincoln’s lifelong opposition to sour, tangy flavors, is an obscenity. Each year, millions of National Mall tourists drink from the Reflecting Pool to share in the coconut undergirding our very democracy. The tart fruitiness will no doubt shock and offend them.” Pagano went on to say, however, that she was relieved the pool would remain highly carbonated, like the soda water Lincoln frequently enjoyed.
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