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Vol 61: Issue 19

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    First American Pope Elected

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    Robert Francis Prevost, known now as Leo XIV, will be the 267th occupant of the throne of St. Peter, the first American to fill...
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    Tips For Planning A Mother’s Day Brunch

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    Whether you go to a restaurant or host an event in your home, brunch is a great way to celebrate the maternal figures in...
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    Raccoon With Meth Pipe Found In Driver’s Seat Of Car

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    After stopping a vehicle whose owner had an active warrant and a suspended driver’s license, police in Ohio were surprised to discover a pet...
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    Study: Most Millennials Will Never Own Swanky Undersea Apartment Where Fish Swim Past Windows

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    CHICAGO—A study published Friday by the National Association of Realtors concluded that most millennials will never own a swanky undersea apartment where fish swim...
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    Elon Musk Pushes Child Aside On Way To Escape Pods As Starbase Collapses

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    STARBASE, TX—Screaming in terror as he rushed through the raging flames consuming his promised tech utopia, billionaire Elon Musk reportedly pushed aside a 9-year-old...
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    Dad Impressed By How Easily New Lawn Mower Tore Through Son’s Leg

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    DANBURY, CT—Expressing immense satisfaction with the recently purchased device’s performance, area dad Frank Hoyer confirmed Friday that he was impressed by how easily a...
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    Cardinal Passed Over For Pope Devoted Life To God For Nothing

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    VATICAN CITY—Angrily stomping on his vestments and throwing his zucchetto on the ground, Cardinal Pietro Parolin told reporters Friday that being passed over for...
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    2nd Grader Orders 70,000 Lollipops On Amazon

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    A Kentucky mom is speaking out after her 8-year-old son unknowingly ordered 30 boxes of Dum-Dums lollipops on Amazon, racking up a $4,200 charge....
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    Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    The post Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope appeared first on The Onion.
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    God Loses $400 Betting On Cardinal Tagle

    Vol 61: Issue 19
    THE HEAVENS—Cursing aloud the moment news of Leo XIV’s election arrived on His phone screen, the Lord Almighty told reporters Thursday that he had...
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    Latest article

    Mahmoud Khalil told a judge his deportation could be a death sentence. Here’s why

    Khalil's lawyers are trying to convince an immigration judge that if he's deported, Israel could target him over his advocacy for Palestinian rights.(Image credit:...

    Live: The 4Warn Storm Team tracks severe weather in Oklahoma

    OKLAHOMA CITY (KOFR) - More severe weather moved into the state overnight. Watch live coverage above. Oklahoma Weather RadarOklahoma Weather Watches and Warnings MapKFOR SkyCam...

    Police responding to shooting in Midwest City

    MIDWEST CITY, Okla. (KFOR) — Police are responding to a shooting Friday night where at least one person was injured in Midwest City. Officials say...

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