Scottie Scheffler’s Masters Hopes Fade After Being Swallowed By Sandworm

Sports
The post Scottie Scheffler’s Masters Hopes Fade After Being Swallowed By Sandworm appeared first on The Onion.
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MLB Rookie Still Can’t Believe The Sunflower Seeds Are Free

Sports
NEW YORK—Saying that it was truly sinking in that he had finally made it to the big leagues, New York Mets rookie Carson Benge...
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Dad Turns Up Skyrizi Commercial

Sports
The post Dad Turns Up Skyrizi Commercial appeared first on The Onion.
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Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff

Sports
SACRAMENTO, CA—Following an extended series of failed attempts, Friday night’s matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento Kings reportedly ended with neither...
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Panicked Dodgers Owner Has No Idea How He’s Going To Come Up With $414...

Sports
LOS ANGELES—Admitting that the team’s ballooning salary expenditures had rapidly gotten away from him, panicked Los Angeles Dodgers owner Mark Walter told reporters Thursday...
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Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest...

Sports
The post Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest Man appeared first on The Onion.
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MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone

Sports
The post MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone appeared first on The Onion.
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Tiger Woods’ Liver Photographed Crawling Out Of Golfer After Crash

Sports
JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Dazed and battered as it dragged itself to safety, the liver belonging to Tiger Woods was photographed crawling out of the legendary...
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Victor Wembanyama Issued Technical For Punching Jumbotron

Sports
The post Victor Wembanyama Issued Technical For Punching Jumbotron appeared first on The Onion.
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Cameraman Sitting Under Basket Spread-Eagle

Sports
The post Cameraman Sitting Under Basket Spread-Eagle appeared first on The Onion.
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U.K police investigating if attacks in London are the work of Iranian proxies

U.K. police said Sunday they are investigating whether a string of arson attacks on Jewish sites in London are the work of Iranian proxies,...

US funding helps Cyprus upgrade military bases for its role as a regional safe...

Cyprus is upgrading key military installations with U.S. taxpayer help to strengthen its role as a safe haven in the eastern Mediterranean

Fans cheer on the Thunder during game one of NBA playoffs

The Oklahoma City Thunder is dominating in Game 1, defending the title, and Thunder fans showed up for their team, loud and proud.