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    FDA Issues Passive-Aggressive Reminder That Serving Tongs There For A Reason

    Government
    SILVER SPRING, MD—Emphasizing that these guidelines had already been issued to the public plenty of times, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration released a...
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    DOJ Plants Gun On Maine

    Government
    AUGUSTA, ME—In a stunning discovery that linked all 1.4 million residents to a grizzly unsolved cold case, the U.S. Department of Justice escalated its...
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    Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker

    Government
    WASHINGTON—As the Trump administration continues to alter the version of American history that appears in government publications, sources confirmed Monday that a page on...
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    Man Already Having Bad Day Deported To Salvadoran Mega-Prison

    Government
    TECOLUCA, EL SALVADOR—Saying things had only gone downhill after a terrible morning, lawful U.S. resident Oscar Fernandez-Lopez, 38, stated Wednesday that he had already...
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    Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers

    Government
    The post Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers appeared first on The Onion.
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    Pentagon Cuts All Employees With Weak Jawlines

    Government
    ARLINGTON, VA—Arguing that the move would allow the government agency to present a united front against threats to national security, the Pentagon announced Monday...
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    Big Bird Seen Working At Local Starbucks After PBS Funding Cuts

    Government
    The post Big Bird Seen Working At Local Starbucks After PBS Funding Cuts appeared first on The Onion.
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    Latest article

    The DEA says 114 immigrants in the U.S. illegally were arrested at a Colorado...

    The Drug Enforcement Administration said the arrests occurred as part of a raid at an underground nightclub in Colorado Springs.

    Greenland’s prime minister says island can’t be bought and US isn’t showing respect

    New Greenlandic Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen says that the U.S. isn’t showing Greenlanders proper respect

    Noem says Secret Service arrested the person who stole her bag

    DHS Secretary Noem said Sunday that the Secret Service caught the person who swiped her bag from a DC restaurant on Easter Sunday while she was dining with her family.

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