VATICAN CITY—In a wild and sacred competition attended by a screaming, raucous crowd of Catholic religious leaders at Saint Peter’s Basilica, hot young priests were soaked in holy water Friday during the Vatican’s annual Wet Vestment Contest. “All these hunky, muscular clergymen, who are just absolutely drenched in Holy Water and showing everything through those thin cassocks, prove that God is calling us and opening our hearts,” said 93-year-old Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, adding that the young priests’ usually concealed, rock-hard six-packs were on full display to the grateful crowd. “When Father Thomas ripped open his see-through frock then dropped to his knees and started sucking on his crucifix, the place just went nuts. The Lord is working through Father Thomas to raise our spirits and a whole lot more. His rock-hard, glistening body is a precious gift from God.” At press time, Cardinal Bertone was taking a body shot of the Blood of Christ from a competitor’s navel.
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