SAN JOSE, CA—With his explanation collapsing within seconds under the scrutiny of his parents, local toddler Timmy Herman reportedly felt the walls closing in on him Thursday after he claimed the TV broke itself. “So you’re telling me you just walked into the living room and the TV shattered all on its own?” said the toddler’s mom, Sandra, furrowing her brow while retrieving a red plastic triceratops from behind the smashed LCD. “And this toy dinosaur—your favorite toy dinosaur, which we’ve repeatedly warned you not to throw inside the house—was already under a pile of broken glass when you got here? Hmm. That’s interesting. Very interesting. It’s just that your father and I have never heard of a TV destroying itself like that before. Have you? It doesn’t seem like something that happens very often.” At press time, a terrified Timmy was struggling to articulate how the carpet had doused itself in pee.
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