Nation’s Smart Toilets Begin Counting Down
WASHINGTON—Announcing “60… 59…58…” through their waterproof Bluetooth speakers in a booming, robotic voice that horrified millions of Americans across the country, the nation’s smart...
Tips For Detecting AI Scams
The FBI warns artificial intelligence is being exploited around the globe by criminals who use the technology for deception. The Onion shares tips for...
CDC Successfully Eradicates Children
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced...
Rockstar Leaks Worsen As Hackers Release Fully Playable Copy Of ‘GTA IX’
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sending the publisher scrambling to protect trade secrets related to the hotly anticipated project, leaks from Rockstar Games worsened Friday as hackers released...
God Struggling To Remember Why He Made So Many Ugly People
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator...
Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92
The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion.
Rolo Ad Greatly Overestimates The Social Element Of Eating Rolos
HERSHEY, PA—Calling into question the candy brand’s apparent belief that consuming its chocolate-covered caramels constitutes a lively group activity, viewers told reporters Thursday that...
Google Maps Introduces Crawling Directions For Cyclists Hit By Truck
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the new feature as yet another innovation to help every traveler get where they’re going, Google Maps on Thursday began offering...
What To Know About Starbase, Louisiana
SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site...
AI Strategist Suggests Calling Data Centers ‘Computer Parties’
SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming that the small adjustment would be an effective way to bolster public support, artificial intelligence strategist Mark Freeling advised tech firms Tuesday...
Latest article
Man arrested after taking lewd photo in Stillwater
STILLWATER, Okla. (KFOR) - Law enforcement officers arrested Kenneth Poppe on Friday evening after he allegedly captured an inappropriate photograph of a minor at...
It was Trump’s show at the GOP convention. And it will be Trump’s midterms...
DALLAS — Donald Trump has made the November midterm elections about him, even more so than they may have been before.
The president’s unusual two-day midterm...
Oklahoma judge admitted to citing fake ChatGPT cases in court order, investigators say
A Stephens County judge admitted to state investigators he cited at least two cases in a court order that do not exist—cases he says...
