MENLO PARK, CA—Providing an internal update on his latest breakthrough in the smart technology sector, Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg reportedly invited employees to behold the company’s “new AI” Monday as he lifted his top to display his tinfoil-covered nipples. “Here, beneath my humble shirt, lies the future of hyperintelligent AI integration,” said the billionaire tech CEO, sticking his chest out to reveal two semi-pointy silver “data centers” scrunched around his areolas. “It may not look like much now, but these shiny protruding nubs will soon be known as the nexus of machine and man. They represent a $100 billion angel investment in machine learning, as well as the last of the foil from the office kitchenette. Go ahead, ask them anything. The smart nipples know all. Heed my words—science, medicine, and engineering shall never be the same upon the release of these bionic wonders.” Zuckerberg added that all someone had to do in order to have all the world’s knowledge at their fingertips was give his foil-wrapped nipples a little twist.
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