ST. LOUIS—Voicing frustration as he discussed his lack of even the most rudimentary skills, local man Henry Right told reporters Monday that he had finally gotten good enough at his new hobby to understand just how bad he is at it. “I picked up the guitar last year, and after endless hours of private lessons and online tutorials, I’ve now learned enough to realize that I have no idea what I’m doing with this instrument,” said the 45-year-old content strategist, watching a video of a professional guitarist fluidly strum his way through a progression of a dozen or more chords that Right admitted he could barely stretch his fingers around. “I’ve struggled for months to develop finger dexterity and remember which note is where, but at last I’ve gotten to the point where I’m able to just pick up a guitar and immediately grasp how little talent I have for it. I’ve come a long way, and I can now see that I have absolutely no business trying to play music.” At press time, sources confirmed Right was once more making his way through a halting, half-assed version of “Crazy Train.”
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