Over 200,000 Heated Socks Recalled Due To Burns
Costco recalled almost 208,000 heated socks after customers reported first- and second-degree burns. What do you think?
“You have to remember to set it to...
U.S. Military To No Longer Require Flu Shots
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth issued a directive lifting the requirement that U.S. service members receive the flu vaccine, citing “medical autonomy.” What do you...
Regulars Angry Dive Bar Now Popular Enough To Be Financially Solvent
COLUMBIA, MO—Growing increasingly irate that the new customer base had actually made the place profitable, regulars of local dive bar The Drunken Rooster were...
Nation Enthralled By Adult Man With Huge Juicy Ass
WASHINGTON—Lowering their sunglasses for a better look at the massive honkin’ caboose, the entire U.S. populace was reportedly enthralled Friday by an adult man...
Red Light Therapy: Myth Vs. Fact
Masks, panels, and other red light therapy devices are selling better than ever. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding red light therapy.
MYTH:...
Bottle Girl Nods As Kash Patel Screams State Secrets In Ear
WASHINGTON—Smiling vacantly while the FBI director rattled off classified information over thumping EDM music, local bottle girl Tanya Page reportedly nodded along early Friday...
Hot Young Priests Soaked In Holy Water During Vatican’s Annual Wet Vestment Contest
VATICAN CITY—In a wild and sacred competition attended by a screaming, raucous crowd of Catholic religious leaders at Saint Peter’s Basilica, hot young priests...
U.K. Passes Lifetime Smoking Ban For People Born After 2008
A newly passed law will prohibit the sale of tobacco products to U.K. residents who are under 18 and anyone born in the future,...
Steve Jobs’ Fist Bursts Through Grave Clutching Crude Drawing Of Something Called ‘The Octomac’
The post Steve Jobs’ Fist Bursts Through Grave Clutching Crude Drawing Of Something Called ‘The Octomac’ appeared first on The Onion.
‘7 Days,’ Hisses Little Girl On Phone Call Welcoming Draft Pick To Jets
The post ‘7 Days,’ Hisses Little Girl On Phone Call Welcoming Draft Pick To Jets appeared first on The Onion.
Latest article
Judge grants Richard Glossip bond ahead of new murder trial
Richard Glossip, a former death row inmate who has spent more than 20 years in prison, has been granted bond this morning. The judge...
Mike Johnson’s weakness is on display as members go around him on Ukraine aid
For months, Rep. Gregory Meeks of New York, the top Democrat on the Foreign Affairs Committee, had championed legislation to send additional security aid...
Rev. Al Sharpton: Trump is ‘spitting in the face’ of Americans struggling under his...
The Rev. Al Sharpton ripped President Donald Trump on Wednesday’s “The Beat,” calling out the president after he downplayed the economic struggles many Americans...
