Oil Prices Plummet In Big Fuck-You To Americans Who Got Gas Yesterday

Vol 62: Issue 15
WASHINGTON—In what is being characterized as a massive middle finger to millions of furious motorists, oil prices plummeted Friday, delivering a big fuck-you to...
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Tips For Getting Better Haircuts

Vol 62: Issue 15
Getting a haircut you truly love can be a challenge. The Onion shares tips for getting better haircuts. Be as specific as possible when describing...
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Lena Dunham Claims Adam Driver Used The Force On Set Of ‘Girls’

Vol 62: Issue 15
LOS ANGELES—Accusing the actor of abusing the all-powerful Life Current that binds the universe together, Lena Dunham claimed Friday that Adam Driver used the...
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TMZ Launches D.C. Bureau

Vol 62: Issue 15
TMZ, the tabloid news organization known for sensationalized celebrity gossip, has opened a Washington bureau and turned its sights on politicians. What do you...
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Live Nation CEO Sentenced To 10 Years In Online Queue

Vol 62: Issue 15
The post Live Nation CEO Sentenced To 10 Years In Online Queue appeared first on The Onion.
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Coachella Cancels Weekend 2 After Drugs Found On Festival Grounds

Vol 62: Issue 15
INDIO, CA—Expressing shock and disappointment at the conduct of so-called music fans, representatives for concert promoter Goldenvoice announced Friday that Coachella’s second weekend had...
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Allbirds Pivots To AI

Vol 62: Issue 15
In an announcement that caused its stock to rally almost 600%, Allbirds said it would stop making its well-known minimalist, sustainable shoes and become...
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LeBron Clarifies Which Teammates Are, Are Not His Children

Vol 62: Issue 15
LOS ANGELES—Seeking to clear up any ambiguity once and for all, four-time NBA Most Valuable Player LeBron James indicated to reporters Friday which of...
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All Marlins Walk-Up Songs Royalty-Free

Vol 62: Issue 15
The post All Marlins Walk-Up Songs Royalty-Free appeared first on The Onion.
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Sure, Nation Won’t Say No To Another Reason To Hate Katy Perry

Vol 62: Issue 15
The post Sure, Nation Won’t Say No To Another Reason To Hate Katy Perry appeared first on The Onion.
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Researchers unearth Southeast Asia’s largest dinosaur

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3060x1980+0+0/resize/3060x1980!/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fba%2Fc8%2F6407eb7d47b7b78c55a26ba5e694%2Fnagatitan-2.png" alt="An artistic illustration of the Nagatitan, the largest dinosaur discovered in Southeast Asia.">They're calling it the "last titan" of Thailand. The sauropod...

Trump-Xi summit Day 1 takeaways: ANALYSIS

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Authorities seek help identifying suspect in larceny investigation

The Midwest City Police Department is asking the public for help identifying a man allegedly wanted for questioning in connection with a string of...