RFK Jr.: ‘I Am 6 Animal Penises Away From Curing Cancer’

Vol 62: Issue 12
WASHINGTON—To announce that his decades-long project to revolutionize modern oncology was nearing fruition, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a...
Read more

Norris God

Vol 62: Issue 12
The post Norris God appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Trump Weighs Deploying 340 Million More U.S. Troops To Middle East

Vol 62: Issue 12
The post Trump Weighs Deploying 340 Million More U.S. Troops To Middle East appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks

Vol 62: Issue 12
ITASCA, IL—In what researchers are hailing as an incredible breakthrough in the understanding of early childhood development, a study published Friday by the American...
Read more

Ina Garten Brings In Intimacy Coordinator For Shot With Fresh Lemon Tart 

Vol 62: Issue 12
EAST HAMPTON, NY—In an effort to maintain a safe and respectful environment on set, Food Network host Ina Garten reportedly brought in an intimacy...
Read more

How ICE Is Assisting TSA

Vol 62: Issue 12
Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents have been deployed to 14 airports across the country amid record-high TSA wait times. Here are all the ways...
Read more

Entire Spring Break Spent In Airport Security Line

Vol 62: Issue 12
The post Entire Spring Break Spent In Airport Security Line appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Taylor Frankie Paul Shows Superhuman Mom Strength Lifting Car To Throw At Child

Vol 62: Issue 12
The post Taylor Frankie Paul Shows Superhuman Mom Strength Lifting Car To Throw At Child appeared first on The Onion.
Read more

Ancient Scroll Reveals Lost Miracle Of Christ Correctly Guessing People’s Weights

Vol 62: Issue 12
JERUSALEM—Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one that depicts the previously unknown...
Read more

New Epstein Estate Photo Shows Trump Waterskiing In Pyramid Formation With Underage Girls

Vol 62: Issue 12
The post New Epstein Estate Photo Shows Trump Waterskiing In Pyramid Formation With Underage Girls appeared first on The Onion.
Read more
123Page 1 of 3

Latest article

WATCH: Astronauts exit spacecraft after successful splashdown

Astronauts Christina Koch, Victor Glover Jr., Jeremy Hansen and Reid Wiseman have exited the Orion capsule after a successful Artemis II splashdown.

Prince Harry sued by charity he co-founded to honor Princess Diana

The Duke of Sussex resigned from his position with Senteable in 2025.

Dems demand Rep. Eric Swalwell drop gov campaign after sexual assault allegations

Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell, who is currently running for California governor, is denying accusations made by a former staffer.