Joe Burrow Frustrated Hospital Won’t Take Bengals’ Insurance
CINCINNATI—Explaining that the ongoing ordeal has added stress to an already difficult week, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow expressed frustration Friday after the hospital...
Tips For Junk Journaling
Junk journaling, a hobby that involves using materials like receipts and ticket stubs to create a keepsake journal, has taken off among arts and...
Gavin Newsom, Kristi Noem Nod Silently To Each Other In Plastic Surgeon’s Office
The post Gavin Newsom, Kristi Noem Nod Silently To Each Other In Plastic Surgeon’s Office appeared first on The Onion.
Bored Trump Spends Night Channel Surfing For New Shows To Cancel
WASHINGTON—Flipping through all of the options for the sixth time in a row as the clock approached 1 a.m., a bored President Donald Trump...
Al Michaels Recaps History Of Football For Viewers Just Tuning In
ORCHARD PARK, NY—Providing context for anyone who might’ve missed the past 156 years of gridiron action, play-by-play announcer Al Michaels reportedly took time during...
Charlie Kirk, Not In His Own Words: We Honor The Right-Wing Activist By Making...
The post Charlie Kirk, Not In His Own Words: We Honor The Right-Wing Activist By Making Up Quotes That Sound Much Better, Given The...
Murder Suspect Found To Have To-Do List For Cover Up
A Kentucky man was arrested after allegedly killing his partner and leaving behind a to-do list, which included instructions to clean blood, dispose of...
Nation Grateful To GOP For Protecting It From TV
WASHINGTON—Thanking the government for defending the public from the terrifying screen in their homes, the American people confirmed Thursday that they were grateful to...
Fox News Host Apologizes For Saying Mentally Ill Homeless People Should Be Executed
Fox News host Brian Kilmeade apologized for saying that mentally ill homeless people should be subject to “involuntary lethal injections”, a remark he now...
Taylor Swift Breaks Down ‘The Life Of A Showgirl’ Track By Track
The Life Of A Showgirl, Taylor Swift’s newest album, will be released Oct. 3. The pop star gave The Onion a preview of the...
Latest article
National pizza chain to close 300 locations by end of 2027
Two hundred of the "underperforming" locations will close by the end of this year, according to the company's CFO.
Southwest Airlines ‘refining’ new seating process amid complaints over boarding, bin space
The announcement comes after complaints from some of Southwest’s longtime travelers.
Hegseth leaves door open for boots on the ground in Iran
Four Americans have been killed so far in the war.
