United Flight Turns Around After Pilot Forgets Passport
A United Airlines flight headed to Shanghai from LAX last weekend had to turn around after two hours in the air when one of...
Elon Musk Amazed At How Much Cheaper Bribing Voters Is In Midwest
MADISON, WI—Amid his political action committee’s campaign to influence a closely contested Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Elon Musk told reporters Friday that he was...
Trump Announces 25% Tariff On Talking Cars
WASHINGTON—In a stunning escalation of his ongoing automotive trade war, President Donald Trump announced Friday that he was imposing a 25% tariff on foreign-made cars...
Snake Getting Twirled Around Like Lasso Never Gonna Live This Down
SARTELL, MN—Feeling a deep sense of embarrassment wash over his long, scaly body, a local snake getting twirled around like a lasso reportedly realized...
Pale Teenage Psychic Collapses With Nosebleed After Trying To Jerk Self Off With Power...
EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—Causing light bulbs to shatter and plaster to rain down from the ceiling of the quaking room, pale teenage psychic Derek Timmons...
What To Know About The Hallow Prayer App
Hallow, a Catholic prayer app, is observing Lent with a prayer challenge featuring celebrities like Mark Wahlberg, who is also an investor in the...
New Law Requires Texans To Show ID To Buy Phallic Foods
AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to crack down on the statewide proliferation of adult foodstuffs, the Texas Legislature passed a new law Friday requiring all...
Cardinals Begin Placing Stickers On Vatican Relics They Want When Pope Francis Dies
VATICAN CITY—With many remarking that they’d had their eyes on the holy artifacts since they first saw them, cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church...
Furious Trump Cancels ‘Atlantic’ Subscription After 48 Years
WASHINGTON—In protest of the publication’s coverage of the Signal breach, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he had canceled his subscription to The Atlantic...
Food Stamps: Myth Vs. Fact
More than 41 million Americans receive monthly benefits through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, also known as food stamps. The Onion dispels the common...
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VA officials acknowledge the need for privacy for telehealth therapy
The VA looks like it is changing course on a plan that would have threatened the privacy of veterans receiving mental health care via...
4 Men Caught Smuggling Hundreds Of Ants
Four ant smugglers pleaded guilty after being caught by the Kenyan Wildlife Service attempting to sneak hundreds of giant African harvester ants out of...
