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Vol 61: Issue 12

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    Roku Tests Autoplaying Ads Before Loading Home Screen

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    While Roku already includes video ads peppered throughout the streaming platform, some users have recently reported a preview of Moana 2 now autoplaying on...
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    Grimes Slaps ‘I Bought This Before Elon Went Crazy’ Sticker On Child

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    The post Grimes Slaps ‘I Bought This Before Elon Went Crazy’ Sticker On Child appeared first on The Onion.
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    Man Sneaks Bag Of Outside Stimuli Into Sensory Deprivation Tank

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    SHELBURNE, VT—Grinning wide with satisfaction at his successful act of cunning, local man Todd Sansovitch confirmed Friday that he had carefully snuck a bag...
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    DOJ Designates Posting Photos Of Balding Elon Musk As Domestic Terrorism 

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    WASHINGTON—Warning that the charge carried a five-year mandatory minimum sentence, the U.S. Department of Justice declared Friday that the distribution of images featuring a...
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    Tips For Dealing With Spam Texts

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    Spam texts are on the rise. The Onion shares tips for dealing with scam and spam messages on your phone. Remember that the IRS will...
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    Nation’s Fuckups Announce Plan To Get Shit Together For Real This Time

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    WASHINGTON—Stressing that they were approaching the future with the utmost seriousness, the nation’s fuckups announced a plan Friday to get their shit together for...
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    ‘Ugly’ Blobfish Named Fish of the Year

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    Previously holding the title of “world’s ugliest animal,” the lumpy, jelly-like, deep-sea blobfish redeemed its reputation this week when it was crowned Fish of...
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    Trump Pulls U.S. Out Of House Hunters International

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    WASHINGTON—In a move that stunned the global real estate community, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday pulling the United States out of House Hunters...
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    What To Know About Beef Tallow

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    Beef tallow, also known as rendered beef fat, is trending among beauty and health influencers. Here is everything you need to know about the...
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    Trump Announces SEAL Team 6 Killed U.S. Protester In Daring Overnight Raid

    Vol 61: Issue 12
    WASHINGTON—Addressing the nation to reveal that one of the greatest threats facing the nation had been eradicated, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that SEAL...
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    Latest article

    Germany seeks to deport an American and 3 EU citizens after pro-Palestinian protest

    The four individuals — from Ireland, Poland and the U.S. — face possible deportation but say German authorities haven't made clear what crimes they've...

    Van Hollen: ‘I am defending the rights of this man to due process’

    Sen. Chris Van Hollen defends due process after meeting a deported Maryland man in El Salvador on "This Week" with co-anchor Jonathan Karl.

    The cases against Harvey Weinstein: A timeline of allegations and trials

    The former Hollywood producer is on trial for sex crimes in New York — again. Here are the allegations and proceedings that have led...

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